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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25338826">The Eight of Cups</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/logical_crysis/pseuds/logical_crysis'>logical_crysis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Tarot Table [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief Mention of Suicide, Depressed Lance (Voltron), Emotional pain, Emotional turned physical pain, Hopeful Ending, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I don't know how to leave Lance alone, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith is worried for Lance, Lance (Voltron) Is Not Okay, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, M/M, Physical Pain, They all care about our boy, They're all concerned for Lance's wellbeing, Unreliable Narrator, graphic descriptions of pain, pre-relationship klance, vomitting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:42:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25338826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/logical_crysis/pseuds/logical_crysis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance voluntarily drinks an alien ritualistic liquid without knowing what it will do to him. He's protecting his friends, preventing the worst from happening to them by putting himself in harm's way. It's better him than them.</p><p>When the pain starts, it blooms from his chest, scorching and vicious and constricting, and he's sure he's going to die.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance &amp; Hunk, Lance &amp; Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance &amp; Shiro (Voltron), Relationships with "&amp;" are platonic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Tarot Table [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>612</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Eight of Cups</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic has graphic descriptions of physical pain, but no abuse or infliction of wounds from other people. Brief mentions of suicidal thoughts/actions, and brief mentions of attempted self-inflicted wounds due to immense pain. Don't worry, our boy will be okay in the end. Lance has good friends.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lance was kind of sick of the whole “we won’t join your coalition unless you do this thing for us first” attitude. Like, yeah, on one hand he guessed it was to prevent their people from joining the wrong cause, a way for Voltron to prove themselves to each new species that they were willing to gain their trust.</p><p>But on the other hand, they literally risked their lives every second of every day for these people, and it was kind of ungrateful that they didn’t think that was enough. Sure, pick on the traumatized kids defending the universe just because you “might” be a little bit wary of their intentions even though they just prevented your entire planet from being exploded to bits.</p><p>Yeah, Lance was <em>more than sick</em> of these aliens’ shit.</p><p>But regardless of what he thought, it was important for Voltron and the rebel forces to have as many allies they could get, so the paladins were forced to endure whatever type of trust exercise or ritual or spiritual cleansing they were asked to participate in. Granted, Lance didn’t always dislike what was asked of them. One time, the leader of some tall pink alien race had asked them to take out their frustrations on the person causing them the most “inner turmoil”, so Lance had gotten a free pass to shove Keith into a purple pond for drinking the last water pouch during training that morning.</p><p>There were other reasons he was frustrated with Keith, but most of them weren’t Keith’s fault. Actually, Lance could have pushed all of his teammates into the pond for singling him out and leaving him alone and not making any time for him and not recognizing how much harder he had been working to improve and-</p><p>Anyway, Lance had to choose one person, so obviously he chose the one that would cause the most suspicion if he <em>didn’t</em> push them, because everyone knew Lance had a rivalry with Keith so it would only make sense. Keith was pushed in twice, once by Lance and once by Pidge.</p><p>No one pushed Lance in, though.</p><p>He was pretty okay with that at first, because it meant that no one had a problem with him and it made him proud that he was the only person on the team that everyone trusted and never encountered any conflict with. But his mind is a demon on its own, and he quickly came to the conclusion that the reason he never had any real conflict with anyone was because he never <em>interacted</em> with anyone. Everyone was always really busy with things he couldn’t help with, and he couldn’t blame them for it, so he just stayed out of the way. Besides, it’s not like they <em>never</em> made time for him, it was just hard for them to work around their ever-changing schedules. In fact, he and Hunk and Pidge had made a pillow fort in the lounge two nights before and told scary ghost stories in the spooky light of some Altean version of a flashlight.</p><p>But regardless, just because he didn’t find all of these tasks to be embarrassing or upsetting didn’t mean they weren’t still annoying.</p><p>Their most recent liberation, a planet of feathered blue and green aliens called the Xrians, seemed to understand their apprehension and annoyance, at least a bit. They seemed to lack many emotions that humans held, but sympathy was one they excelled at. “Paladins of Voltron, we are forever grateful for your bravery and selflessness in freeing our people.” The leader - a king, president, tyrant; Lance wasn’t sure - had gathered them in a room outside of the palace gates. His advisor, a much smaller alien carrying a tablet with a language he didn’t recognize on it, had explained to them earlier that they wouldn’t be allowed to enter the royal palace before they completed “initiation”, whatever that was for this species. It irked Lance that their sacrifice wasn’t enough. He risked so much just to save a planet full of strangers, he didn’t know of anything else that could prove he was any more loyal than he had already shown.</p><p>The King turned his gaze to Allura and bowed low. “I apologize for delaying our conference, Princess Allura, but the conclave has agreed that they would not see you before one of you completed our initiation.”</p><p>“I thought you were the King?” Shiro smacked Keith’s shoulder for speaking out of turn, and he shot a glare at his brother before rubbing his arm where he was sure there would be a bruise later. “What? We were all thinking it.”</p><p>“I am the King of my People,” he started, “however, our inhabitance of this haven is by the admission of the Syrongl. Ancient beings, far older than my species, that have created and upheld the thriving landscape you see before you. We are indebted to these Syrongl for allowing us a safe planet to inhabit, and we do everything they ask so that it stays that way.”</p><p>Lance had crossed his arms over his chest, his brows furrowed. “Wait, you mean this planet is alive?”</p><p>“And you can <em>speak </em>to it?” Allura seemed much more excited than Lance believed she should be given that information. Honestly, whatever it was that an ancient alien species making up planets thought was a good plan to keep out intruders was <em>not </em>something Lance wanted to endure. “That is incredible!”</p><p>The King’s dark robe ruffled a bit as he clasped his hands together. “‘Speak’ would not be the correct term, I don’t believe, Princess.” He bowed again to her in apology for correcting her. “We do not speak so much as feel what they feel. My People do not experience their own emotion, we simply take what the Syrongl feel and manipulate it to fit our situation.”</p><p>“Oh!” Allura clapped, her eyes sparkling, and Lance could see from an angle how interested Pidge had become in the conversation, too. “That’s fascinating! Would you mind if we asked you a few questions before we leave? I would love to know how your relationship works.”</p><p>The King paused for a moment before a grin overtook his features and he nodded. The planet seemed to be fine with whatever questions Allura may have, but he assured her he may not know the answers to them all. “The universe is such a mysterious thing,” he said.</p><p>They stood in tense silence for a long moment before Hunk, standing in between Pidge and Lance, took the chance to speak up. “So uh, what exactly is this ‘initiation’ thing you were telling us about?”</p><p>“Yes,” the King said, motioning for his advisor to come forward. He was carrying a tray with a small crystal cup on it, filled three quarters of the way up with a viscous blue liquid. Beside him, Hunk shivered, and Lance patted his back and hoped he wouldn’t throw up in front of the King. The King gestured at the cup. “I’m afraid we really don’t have time for all of you to go through this ceremony, however the Syrongl have agreed to admit you entrance as long as one of you drinks this and complete their cleansing.”</p><p>“What is it?” Lance was, admittedly, a bit skeptical, but he chose to keep his thoughts to himself. As long as it wasn’t poison, he figured, it really couldn’t do any harm.</p><p>The smile on his face never wavered, but the King’s eyes grew tired. He had been through a lot, Lance realized, and he was eager to sign this treaty so he knew his People would be safe again. Lance couldn’t blame him, and he wholeheartedly believed that this ritual was as inconvenient for him as it seemed to be for them. “I’m afraid, for it to have it’s intended effect, that information is confidential.”</p><p>The team tensed, passing distrustful looks to each other, and Lance unconsciously took a step away from the cup. As long as it wasn’t poison, he reminded himself, it really couldn’t hurt any of them. But now there was <em>no way for them to know it if was poison</em>. He was overreacting, he knew. The King and his People and the planet or whatever didn’t seem to have any malicious intent, and they really did seem to be grateful to the paladins for saving their planet, but Lance had a bad feeling, and he didn’t like it.</p><p>Lance took another step back. Shiro took a step forward. “I mean no disrespect, but you can’t expect us to agree to drink something that could potentially hurt us.”</p><p>“I can assure you, the potion has no lasting damage. It will run its course, and we will be on our way to the palace.” He paused as the paladins processed this information. “I would strongly encourage you to choose your participant wisely.” He frowned then, and his eyes turned sad, and he looked <em>directly at Lance</em>. Lance’s breath hitched. “Reconsider your first choice.”</p><p>It took Lance all of three seconds to convince himself he was the <em>only one</em> of them who should go through with this. Allura was needed in proper mental awareness in order to continue with the treaty once they entered the palace. There was no telling how long the effects would be, or if they would be willing to wait for them to fade before negotiations began. It could <em>not</em> be Allura.</p><p>Hunk and Coran and Pidge were all needed for repairs on the lions ASAP, and again, they had no way of knowing how long or what the effects would be and they couldn’t take a chance on getting cornered without repairs. Red, especially, had taken some heavy damage, and Lance was sure that if she took another hit, her and Keith would both be goners. Lance wanted to avoid that at any cost.</p><p>Shiro had been through enough. Lance wanted to make sure he wasn’t putting him in harm’s way if he could help it. Plus, he’s their leader. They would be lost without his leadership, and to do that he needed 100% focus.</p><p>And Keith- “Give me the cup.” -was being a <em>fucking idiot</em>.</p><p>Keith took a step towards the King, standing next to the pedestal where the cup was sat, but before Lance even had a chance to protest, Pidge was smacking Keith’s outstretched hand and pushing him back with all of the force her tiny body could. “What do you mean, ‘<em>give me the cup</em>’? Are you stupid? You can’t drink it! We don’t even know what it is!” Pidge glared at him. “If anyone’s risking themselves on this stupid potion - no offense - it’s going to be me!” She reached for the cup but Hunk picked her up and set her down next to Keith even as she hit his shoulder and yelled for him to put her down. The King’s smile brightened just a bit, as if he were certain Hunk would make the decision and take the cup.</p><p>Hunk didn’t get a chance to say why he thought Pidge <em>shouldn’t</em> drink it or why he <em>should</em>, because Allura shot his words down with a look. “Hunk, you’re not drinking it.” The King’s eyes dimmed again. Lance watched.</p><p>“Well it can’t be you, Allura,” Hunk retorted, “because you’ve got all of the people diplomacy stuff to do and none of us can do that for you!” They all seemed to collectively agree that it couldn’t be Shiro, either, so like all of their other problems that they can’t solve, they started arguing.</p><p>“Just let me drink it, I can handle it!”</p><p>“Get back Keith! You’re not drinking it!”</p><p>“Neither are you!”</p><p>“Well <em>someone</em> has to, so give it here!”</p><p>The arguing continued, and Lance realized that Pidge was right, and also that they would never come to a conclusion on their own, and that they really didn’t have the time to be messing around with their hero complexes right now. So Lance, as discreetly as he could, reached for the cup.</p><p>The crystal was rough even over his gloved hand. Cold, too, and it seemed to pulse, as if it were breathing. It was hand-carved with extravagant swirls and waves and an inscription at the top that was written in an alphabet Lance couldn’t comprehend enough to even pretend he could read. The liquid was so dark it didn’t look like any light passed through the cup. He stared at it, and it stared back, and it was still cold, and the bad feeling was back but <em>someone had to drink it</em>.</p><p>So Lance tipped the cup back and drank it. The King watched him.</p><p>It tasted like jasmine and blueberries, Lance thought, but it was so thick he had to force himself not to gag as he swallowed it all in one gulp. It was hot, too, even though the glass had been so <em>cold</em>.</p><p>“It is done,” the King announced, and the rest of the paladins looked at the pedestal just in time to see Lance place the empty cup back where it was. He watched their faces morph from the anger of their fighting to concern, worry, fear, <em>terror</em>.</p><p>But nothing happened.</p><p>Pidge shifted her weight, drawing the King’s attention. “So, what does it do? The potion, what is it?”</p><p>“It is the ichor of the Syrongl,” he said, and Lance almost threw up with the knowledge that he had just downed a whole glass of <em>alien blood</em>. The King slowly swept his gaze over the other paladins, back to Lance, and he physically flinched away from the sheer amount of <em>pity</em> he saw in his eyes. “It takes the participant’s negative emotions and transforms them to physical pain.”</p><p>Hunk made a gutted sound and covered his mouth. His eyes shined with tears, and he stared at Lance as if he was about to be executed. Keith took a tentative steps towards Lance, hand outstretched as if to touch him, concern flooding his features, but he hesitated and returned his hand to his side. Pidge and Shiro both seemed anxious but not so much concerned.</p><p>Lance had done a <em>very</em> good job of hiding his problems from them.</p><p>Lance furrowed his brows. “Really?” he questioned. “Because I actually feel fine. No pain here. Nope! None!” And he really didn’t feel anything. He felt just as he had before he drank from the cup, maybe a bit sick to his stomach after finding out he had drank <em>alien blood</em>. But really, he felt fine. Good, even, considering his last spell of depression had just started to wear off the day before. His chest wasn’t as heavy, his eyes didn’t have dark circles under them anymore, and he hadn’t thought once about selfishly throwing himself into the line of fire in the hopes that it would kill him.</p><p>He knew Hunk and Keith were happy that he was feeling better, because he wasn’t keeping them up at night crying anymore, or making them worry when Lance let the training simulator beat him a bit more than he should have, or putting himself in unnecessary danger in order to keep everyone else safe because he knew he could be replaced but <em>they</em> <em>couldn’t</em>-</p><p>Okay, maybe he wasn’t feeling as good as he had led the team to believe. Sue him, he was still recovering, there was no harm in convincing them he was doing better as long as he wasn’t burdening the team while he finished coming out of his low.</p><p>“We use this drink to cleanse ourselves of the Syrongl’s negative emotions that have attached themselves to us, and thus we live in peace and harmony with all others.” The King puffed his chest in pride. He was <em>very</em> proud of his kingdom. But his face quickly fell back to a look of guilt before he continued. “For my People, the effects of the potion are mild regardless of the amount of negativity that needs to be cleansed because we ourselves are incapable of emotion. Small headaches and shortness of breath, and sometimes an aching in the stomach as well.” He averted his gaze from the paladins then, heavy with guilt as he wrung his hands.</p><p>“However, as visitors arrived, we quickly realized that the blood of our saviors who kept us safe had quite the opposite effect for others.” Lance felt a twinge in his chest, but he ignored it. “It is an excruciating experience.” He coughed when he felt another poke of pain. It was less easy to ignore.</p><p>The other paladins around him had started yelling. Hunk was screaming that they should have been told and should have given them a warning but he <em>had</em>, Lance wanted to tell him, he had looked Lance right in the eye and told him not to do it but he didn’t listen and did it anyway and now he was going to suffer but <em>it was better him than them</em>.</p><p>Lance’s chest stung. He brought a hand up to rub at his heart.</p><p>“The Syrongl feel everything on this planet, and in turn, my People feel what they feel and know what they know.” He turned to Lance, took his hand in his. The King’s hand was much thinner, more elongated, and he only had four fingers. He knew it was supposed to be a comforting gesture, and he tried not to let the disgust show on his face, but Lance did not take comfort in the touch of the King. “We knew the moment you stepped foot on the planet how troubled you were. We can feel the war you rage inside yourself.” He swallowed thickly, and Lance could see the tears in his eyes.</p><p>He turned away to address the rest of the team. “I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy,” he said, “but the Syrongl have orders, and we will follow them. We were to let the party choose, but we knew before you ever arrived it would be <em>you</em> who took the cup.” He patted the back of Lance’s hand again before letting it drop back to his side. “I am sorry, young Paladin.”</p><p>Keith’s voice broke when he set a hand on Lance’s shoulder and whispered, “Oh, Lance. What have you done?”</p><p>And Lance’s chest <em>burned.</em></p><p>It burned and burned like someone had thrown kerosene on his heart and lit it and he choked on a gasp and clutched at his armor as he collapsed, dragging Keith down with him as he held him. He bit his tongue hard to stop his screaming. He tasted blood.</p><p>He forced back tears as Hunk and Keith helped him remove his chest plate, his eyes squeezed shut as if that would stop the pain but it <em>didn’t</em>. It just burned and burned and <em>burned</em> until he was screaming and then the tears wouldn’t stop as he clawed at his chest. His breaths became labored, painful wheezes and he was <em>sure </em>his lungs were going to pop and he couldn’t <em>breathe it hurt it hurt it hurt.</em></p><p>“Isn’t there something we can do to help him?” Shiro was trying to remain calm, standing over his paladins, but his hands shook and his eyes watered and he just wanted to make his friend stop hurting.</p><p>The King shook his head. “I’m afraid,” he replied, “that the only thing we can do now is let the Syrongl run its course. It will dig out all of his negative emotions before it ends.” He regarded them slowly, choosing his next words with care. “I have never met a single soul with as much self-hatred and sadness as the Blue Paladin, and I cannot pretend to understand why or how his body could allow him to harbor such terrible thoughts.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “Most cleansings take place over five or ten dobashes, but I have a terrible feeling his will last at least thirty.”</p><p>Lance sobbed at their feet. He needed it to stop <em>now. </em>His lungs were going to burst and every breath was agonizing and his heart was beating out of rhythm. He couldn’t do this for thirty minutes he wasn’t strong enough he couldn’t handle this like his team could he was so <em>weak</em> he couldn’t do this it hurt it <em>hurt oh god he was going to die.</em></p><p>Keith was quick to hush him and rock him in his arms. He held tight to his hands to keep him from scratching himself as Lance thrashed and writhed. “It’s okay, you’re okay. You’ll be okay, you can get through this, you can do this.” Keith tried to soothe him, whispered reassurances in his ear. Hunk rubbed small, light circles onto Lance’s shoulder.</p><p>“All of this pain is only in his head. Nothing is physically wrong with him.” But it <em>hurt</em> it burned he was burning alive, his chest ached and throbbed and he felt so <em>empty</em>. “As long as he doesn’t hurt himself.”</p><p>The next strike of pain in his abdomen was so intense and sudden he threw up. Keith managed to turn him to his side before he choked but the pain didn’t <em>stop</em>. It was sharp and ached and it felt like it was compressing his insides and twisting them and he was sure his intestines were just a knot. He dry heaved from the pain and for just a moment he was relieved that it had been a while since he’d eaten.</p><p>He thought he may have blacked out for a second from the pain, because in the next moment Shiro had taken one of his hands and Keith’s free hand was running soothingly through his hair. Lance sucked in short, desperate, rasping breaths and swallowed around the vile taste in his mouth. “‘m fine,” he gasped, “‘m okay.” Shiro squeezed his hand.</p><p>“Here, buddy.” Hunk rubbed a damp piece of fabric against Lance’s mouth that Lance vaguely recognized was just one of Hunk’s gloves turned inside out that he had probably licked, but he appreciated the gesture anyway. He forced a smile at him that Hunk returned.</p><p>Then he dry heaved again as the pain shot through him and he was crying and his eyes were red and puffy and then <em>they started hurting too. </em>“Ow, ow, ow,” his mumbles dissolved into pathetic whimpers and he tugged weakly at the grips on his hands, freed them and pressed them hard against the backs of his eyelids. Pain laced around behind his eyes, bright and hot and he panted heavily against the torture, openly <em>sobbed </em>as he felt so much pressure behind them he was sure they would pop out of their sockets. His hands shook violently and Shiro had to grab his wrists to prevent Lance from hurting himself as he pushed and pushed and <em>pushed</em> on his eyes so they wouldn’t fall out.</p><p>“You’re okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Keith’s voice was broken and muffled from crying into Lance’s hair. Lance didn’t want him to cry. He shouldn’t cry over Lance. But then everyone else was crying, too, Hunk and Shiro and Pidge and Allura, all crying and watching and <em>helpless</em> to stop the pain Lance was in. It wasn’t right. Lance didn’t want them to cry for him.</p><p>They shouldn’t care to cry for him.</p><p>“Lance,” Shiro said, “you can do this, you’re strong.” Lance didn’t feel strong. Shiro was wrong.</p><p>“Yeah buddy, we’re right here with you.” But they left him alone <em>so much</em> even in his best condition, why would they care to be with him at his weakest?</p><p>“Yeah,” Pidge, the first words she’d said since Lance started hurting. She sniffled. “You’re going to be fine. You are <em>not </em>leaving me to dismantle our pillow fort on my own.” Lance huffed out a chuckle, smiling at Pidge quickly before he winced and curled into himself again. Keith rubbed his arm and pressed a kiss to his temple, and if Lance had been anymore aware he probably would have freaked out and pushed him away, but Lance was in <em>so much pain</em>. He took every soothing touch he could get.</p><p>“Lance.” Allura kneeled next to Shiro in front of him and took his hand. “I am so sorry I never noticed how much you were hurting until now. You should never have to bare this weight on your own.” Lance let out soft whines as wave after wave of pain barreled through him. His body shivered uncontrollably, and he knew the soreness of his stomach wouldn’t go away after the pain did as his body tried to force him to throw up again. “If I could take your pain,” she said softly, “I would.”</p><p>Lance’s breath hitched. “No!” He yelled, and he forced himself to sit up abruptly despite the sheer amount of protest his body was screaming at him. She and Shiro flinched back at his outburst. Keith’s grip tightened on his forearm, and Lance fell back into him, chest heaving with labored breaths, eyes blinking forcefully, and he shook his head, rattled pain through his brain. He groaned, buried his head in Keith’s chest to try and push away the throbbing in his head. “No,” he sighed again.</p><p>Allura studied him with a hurt expression, and Shiro took Lance’s hand back from her. “What do you mean, ‘no’?” He rubbed his thumb over Lance’s knuckles. They tingled. His arm tingled where Keith was rubbing it. He realized his feet were tingling, too, and his calves and thighs, and he cried weakly as he realized more was coming. He already hurt so much, he couldn’t handle any more he wanted it to stop he <em>needed</em> it to <em>stop-</em></p><p><em>“Lance</em>,” Keith coaxed, trying to get his attention back, “can you answer Shiro? Please?” He sounded scared again, and Lance hated it. He wanted to protect him and the rest of his team but instead he was just this pathetic <em>mess</em> lying on the floor, but then his head reminded him that he could have let one of them go through this and he would rather die than sit back and let his friends go through this so <em>it was better him than them</em>.</p><p>He told them as much. “Protect you,” he mumbled, “keep you safe.”</p><p>He heard Keith suck in a breath, and then he kissed his head again and Hunk and Pidge were hugging him and Shiro was squeezing his hand and Allura was crying again. “That goes both ways, you idiot.” Pidge glared at him and then dove back in to hug him again. “We don’t like seeing you hurt just as much as you don’t like seeing <em>us </em>hurt.”</p><p>And, wow, Lance had never really thought about it like that. He was so focused on making sure they weren’t in danger, make sure it was <em>him</em> that would get into trouble, that he never stopped to think of the emotional turmoil it would put the rest of his team through. Really, he hadn’t thought that they would care much. But he knew that those thoughts weren’t really his but from the demons in his head, making him believe that these people he loved so much somehow wouldn’t care if he got hurt. It was an eye opener, honestly, and his chest felt a little lighter.</p><p>But then his skin started to sting, little pins and needles in his limbs, and he cried, desperately trying to push his friends off. Every point of contact <em>hurt</em>. He struggled weakly against them, whining, “off, off, off,” until they finally let him go. Keith lay him down on the floor as gently as he could, and even though his hands <em>burned</em> Lance’s skin he sobbed when he finally felt him pull away because then he was <em>really alone.</em> He had nothing to distract him then, nothing to pull him out of his head. He was forced to just sit and <em>feel</em> with his eyes shut tight against the throbbing pressure behind them, his body wracked with shivers that sent scorching pins through his muscles. He coughed and gasped and heaved and <em>cried</em> because he couldn’t do anything else.</p><p>On some level of consciousness, Lance knew that his friends were talking to him, but he didn’t have the energy to try and listen. He was dizzy with the pain, even lying down, and he wasn’t sure what pain was from the drink and what was real. All of his muscles had tensed, poked and prodded with sharp needles. His heart was beating out of rhythm as his chest continued to burn, his lungs had all but collapsed as he struggled to breathe, his head ached and his eyes throbbed and his tongue was sore from where he had bit it when everything started.</p><p>He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, alone, unable to even wipe the tears from his face he was in so much pain. But eventually, it did fade. Slowly. The pressure behind his eyes subsided, his breaths evened out, his muscles relaxed and the stinging stopped.</p><p>Lance reached out for someone then, when he wasn’t in agonizing pain from physical contact. He wasn’t even sure anyone was still there, with his eyes still closed, or if they had left him to writhe in his torture alone. He had stopped hearing them sometime after he pushed them away. But then someone was there, taking his outstretched hand and pulling him into their lap and running their hand through his hair. “It’s okay,” he heard Keith say, and Lance, exhaustion wearing heavily on his body, cried in relief.</p><p>He laughed as Keith pressed more kisses to his head, and finally opened his teary eyes to see Keith hovering over him. “Hey, samurai.” Lance’s voice was hoarse from the screaming.</p><p>Keith smiled at him. “Hey,” he said, and wiped some tears off his face.</p><p>Hunk was there then, taking his hand gently as if he were afraid he would hurt him. “Hey buddy, how’re you feeling?”</p><p>“Better.”</p><p>“Good.” He patted the back of Lance’s hand awkwardly, and Lance grinned.</p><p>“You can hug me big guy,” Lance said, and Hunk launched himself at him and took him from Keith. Lance was too weak to hug back much, but then Pidge had her arms looped around Lance’s neck and Shiro held all three of them and gave them a strong squeeze before they all released their hold on him. They were all crying again, happy tears this time, and if Lance weren’t so utterly exhausted he would have been crying too.</p><p>These tears he was okay with.</p><p>Hunk put his hand on Lance’s shoulder as Keith pulled him back into him. “I’m glad you’re okay, buddy.” Lance gave him a lopsided smile.</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Curled up to Keith’s chest, Lance let himself relax. He knew they would have <em>a</em> <em>lot</em> to talk about later, but for the moment, the burning in his chest had finally stopped and he was so exhausted he almost fell asleep right there. But then the King walked back into the room - Lance hadn’t really noticed he’d left - and addressed the paladins with a small smile. “If you are ready, Princess, we can make our way to the palace and begin our negotiations.”</p><p>Allura tore her gaze from Lance to land a hard stare on the King. “I’m afraid I may not be able to make peace with you and your people, Your Highness. After what you’ve done to my friend-”</p><p>“<em>Allura</em>,” Keith hissed, and when she looked at him his eyes were burning, his jaw clenched, hands held tight around their friend. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> throw this away now.” He said, “Don’t make everything Lance went through go to waste.”</p><p>Lance blinked between them as they stared at each other. Allura flickered her eyes down to him, then back to Keith. The room was tense as they awaited her decision, and Lance held his breath, his eyes closed where his head rested against Keith’s shoulder, and he winced as he shifted to brings his knees up, his stomach sore. Keith brushed his hair back off of his face.</p><p>When Allura finally came to a decision, she exhaled loudly and Lance watched her deflate where she stood between her paladins and the King. “I apologize.” She clasped her hands in front of her and gave a small bow. “If you would still have us, we would be happy to discuss arrangements with you.” The King nodded and waved her forward towards the back half of the room where Lance assumed the entrance to the palace was. When Allura followed him, Lance tried to push himself up to follow after her. Keith held him firmly, even as Lance protested.</p><p>“Lance isn’t going,” Keith said.</p><p>The King faced him. “Of course not,” he answered. “The young paladin needs much rest and reassurance to heal.”</p><p>Keith nodded, tightened his hold on Lance. “Thank you. Hunk, will you help me carry him back to the castle ship? I don’t want him to over-exert himself.”</p><p>Lance knew they would have a lot to talk about later. He knew he had a lot of stuff to work through, and he knew they wouldn’t let him keep it from them anymore. He still had a long way to go before he would be okay, and his team might have to go a little out of their way to help him get there, but laying in their pillow fort, held in Keith’s arms with Pidge pressed to his side and Hunk’s head in his lap as they watched a movie in a language they didn’t understand, he knew he would be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and feedback, I'd love to hear from you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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